This work, what is it exactly? A split or two confrontational surfaces that meet together?
An introspection for me.
I lost myself once.
All these days, I gradually can’t feel love from the outside world, I do not love myself either, I am too lonely to fill up this empty room.
I was afraid to feel or see any kind of emptiness. It was suffocating, almost paranoid, and I began to search the corners of the house for broken pieces of myself that I had left behind or created, in obsession.
The hair, the eggshell fragments, the broken cups, came from me, from top to bottom, and from bottom to top, I chose to imprison them to a flat surface, as I compressed myself into a stagnant piece of time.
Countless days, in the room, on the stage, they said I can come across that crack, it's underneath. I would rather not move, I remained silent. I stubbornly hide my escape, in numbness.
I can’t turn a blind eye anymore.
Now here, my dusty pieces are not on the floor, but forced before your eyes. I tore my cowardly self apart.
I tend to speak honestly. I am good at concealment and content to be imprisoned. I would rather be deprived of my freedom, because I am afraid of the existence of freedom, it needs appeals, but I am hypocritical and cannot give out sincerity.
I once forgot what I wanted, now I am gradually remembering. I want love while afraid of losing, I want to hate while fearing loneliness, I only know that to make myself broken in exchange for sympathy, dragging along the incomplete transparent shell in exhaustion to seek recognition.
So, I feared death, the nakedness brings inability to justify myself after death. Along with that, I feared closeness, I feared community, it shrunk me. I refused to be with anyone, I am not honest, I couldn’t face loneliness truthfully.
To me, being broken and imprisoned used to be a routine.
This then becomes a beginning, a starting point. It's widely open, with endless possibilities. It says, Come into me, I am not only in this moment, I am in the past, and also the future, I invite you to come into my world ------ it must be empty, empty makes complete.
Beneath are things I want to mention about the birth of this installation:
There’s one particular reason I chose to use fly paper, and it only came to me when I looked at it afterwards. I made this choice because the fly paper was my ideal form of existence in the world. It doesn't need to do anything. As long as it is there, countless things will come to find it. Even if it does not act and has no freedom, it is limited to some extent discipline, it is attractive. It will never be lonely.
I would also say this is an intuitive work formed with discovering, I was originally planning to put the fly paper on the street, in the trash room. After a while I realized how far away and strange I was with these places. I hung them in my apartment again, but after days, nothing left. I turned to the floor. When I first picked up a fly paper from the floor, I was surprised to find so much hair on it. They were everywhere in this apartment. Something I kept ignoring and vaccuming everyday, gradually filled up this space.
In conclusion, for me, this is the first time that the work was born in my intuition but not dead or silent to me after it formed independence. It talks to me. When I looked at it, I regarded myself as a stranger, just like the man in Camus's book.
这个作品对我来说具体是什么？一种分裂还是两个对抗的表面？
是反省。
我曾失去了自我。
这些天，我无法感知来自外界的爱，我也不爱自己，我太孤独，无力填满整个空荡房间。我害怕去感受到或看到任何形式的空旷，那让我窒息，几乎偏执性的，我开始在房子内的各个角落寻找遗落自我身上的或被我制造的碎片。
这些头发，蛋壳碎片，破裂的杯具，来自我，从上到下，又从下到上，我选择了把它们禁锢在一个平面里，将它们当做我去压缩成一片停滞的时间。
无数的日子，在房间里，到舞台上，每一个人都说我可以碰到那条缝隙，它就在下面。我情愿动弹不得，我始终保持着沉默。我麻木固执地遮掩着逃避。
我无法再视而不见了。
现在在这里，我尘土飞扬的碎片不在地板上，而是被迫在你的眼前。我把懦弱的自己撕扯出来。
我决定诚实的开口，我擅长做掩饰，满足于被禁锢，我情愿自由被剥夺，因为我害怕自由的存在，自由需要诉求，然而虚伪的我无法说出真诚的话语，
我一度忘记了自己想要什么，我在渐渐想起来，我想爱却害怕失去，想恨却懦弱于孤独，我只能够把自己变得支离破碎来换取同情，拖着残缺透明的外壳在疲惫中寻求认可。
因此，我恐惧死亡，死后的赤裸和无力辩白让我胆战心惊。随之而来，我恐惧亲密，我恐惧社群，这些让我萎缩。我拒绝和任何人在一起，我不诚实，我无法诚实地面对孤独。
对我来说，破碎与禁锢都曾只是例行公事。
于是这变成了一个开始，是一个起点。它敞开，拥有无限延伸的可能。它在说，走进我，我不仅仅在此刻，我在过去，也在未来，我请你走进我的世界------它必须是空旷的，空旷造就完整。
下面这些话关于它的创作过程：
我选择使用苍蝇纸有一个特别的原因，直到后来我看到它时才想起来。我之所以做出这样的选择，是因为苍蝇纸是我在这个世界上理想的存在形式。它不需要做任何事情，只要在那里，无数的东西就会来找它，即使它没有行动，没有自由，它在某种程度上受到纪律的限制，但它有吸引力。它永远不会孤独。
我也可以说这是一个由发现而形成的直觉作品，我原本打算把苍蝇纸放在大街上，以及垃圾房里。过了一段时间，我意识到我和这些地方是多么遥远和陌生，所以我重新把它们挂在我的公寓里，但几天后，什么都没有留下。我转向了地板。当我第一次从地上拿起一张苍蝇纸时，我惊讶地发现上面有这么多毛发。这公寓地板上到处都是。一些我每天都忽略和清理的东西，逐渐占据了这个房间。
综上所述，对我来说，这是第一次作品在我直觉中产生，又以独立的形象分离存在后，对我来说并没有死亡或沉默。它跟我说话。当我看着它的时候，我把自己看作一个局外人，就像加缪书中的那个男人一样。
